Friday, April 9, 2010


A few weeks ago, I felt a strange lump in the upper left part of my back. I assumed it was a knotted muscle, but it felt more like a third shoulder when I moved my hand across it. Gross.

I dismissed it. Forgot about it.

Then, the other night, after begging my husband for a massage, he felt it too.

"WHAT IS THAT? You need to get that checked out."

Great. Now he had me convinced that the clock was winding down on my days left on earth. I thought: should I plan a safari in Kenya? Nah. Should I ignore his comment and the gigantic growth the size of half a tennis ball? Nah. Should I, against my better judgment, research online what this ball in my back is, in the hope of finding a benign explanation? Yes.

"Lipoma, that's got to be it," I thought as I read about a fairly common benign cyst. Of course, I was just hoping that was it. It could have been something else, something terrible.

Yesterday, I went to the doctor. My blood pressure was off the charts because death still seemed a distinct possibility, not to mention the fact that my son's snacks were running low and he was whining for more while watching me from his stroller. My doctor gave a two second check of the lump and confirmed, "It's a lipoma, benign, you should probably get it removed."

Why do I have it? What causes it? Apparently, modern medicine does not provide all of the answers.

"Why anything," my doc replied, smiling, "Have your blood pressure checked again, now that you know you're going to live." Ha. Ha.

So, as much as I've enjoyed carrying around this 1/2 baseball in my back, I think it's time to say goodbye. And, before I say goodbye, I think it's fitting that I name this lump and share her story with you all, in case you too find yourself with unwelcome company at some point.

I will call her Lucille Lipoma. We will treat her like a temporary member of our family. But, we will celebrate when she leaves, which I hope is sooner than her May 3rd ticket out of town. If anyone knows anyone who knows anyone who can get me a quicker appointment with Dr. Greenbaum on Walnut Street, I would appreciate that greatly. I'm not gonna lie, Lucille is cramping my style.

But the good news is, I'm going to live.

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