Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Politics Unusual

The race is heating up and neither candidate has his eye on the White House.  In my house, two guys are running ruthless campaigns to determine which one of them will be President of the Imps.

The incumbent, long-favored by anarchists everywhere, has two and half years of experience on the newcomer.  Despite the fact that the newcomer, a staunch libertarian, has only 10.5 months of age (and thus, experience), he is already showing strong signs of creating a level of mischief not seen for generations.  What he lacks in words, he makes up for with a devilish gleam in his eye.

Of course, the incumbent not only has a vocabulary as vast as the real candidates, he can negotiate as well as them too.

"How many cookies do you want, 1 or 2?"


"You stay in your room in tell I tell you timeout is over!"

"But, mommy, I'm worried about you!"


"What did you say?!"

"I'm worrrrrried about you!"

"Come down here right now.  What do you mean you're worried about me?"

Like I said, the new guy has tough competition.  But, since he acquired his first 6 teeth in the past two weeks, he's become something of a Parana.  He'll rip apart a cheesesteak and likely his competition too.  He has nearly bitten off the finger of someone he loves, so you can imagine what he might do in a real fight.

Too proud to crawl his way to the presidency, the newcomer would rather gallop (rocking) horseback or run with the help of his mommy.  He does not sling mud (yet), but will fling himself backwards at the drop of a cookie or his premature removal from a warm bath.

The incumbent has mastered more advanced and sinister tactics, such as poo flinging, and he won't hesitate to pee on the newcomer's floor to mark his territory in the presidential race.  It is guerrilla warfare with him.  He knows how to roll his eyes, slam doors, talk back and scale dangerous heights to retrieve toys that were taken away from him.  

 He is also a tech master and can send someone calling his mommy or daddy to voicemail faster than he can look up from Angry Birds and smirk.  He is the king of mischief.  He is not afraid of time out, nor the principal's office, nor anything, except for scary music in G rated movies.

And that is why this presidential race is so frightening to the People.  The People imagined after the incumbent's years as President of the Imps had run its course that they would be free to enjoy their lives as they had known them before.   Now, with the possible rise and domination by the newcomer, the People are doomed.

Both candidates are upping the ante, digging in for the long haul and awaiting anxiously that glorious day when the People will declare:

Yes, Sir, you are President of the Imps.

1 comment:

  1. King of the Imps!! That's our Will. But beware, the Blakester is not very far behind!!