Monday, November 2, 2009

I've Met My Match

For those of you wondering if I have encountered "my new trainer" again at the gym, the answer, thankfully, is "no." However, there is a new competitor in town.

Yesterday, I was minding my own business, walking briskly on the treadmill, listening to 50 Cent and The Game on my ipod, when a man who looked like Uncle Fester from the Addams Family chose to step on the treadmill next to me. I looked to my right and counted four empty treadmills. I glared at him and almost pointed out with my finger as you would to a child learning to count, "ONE......TWO.......THREE.....FOUR!"

Was this man just another decoy to make me feel better about how out of shape I am? I sighed in disgust, pumped up my speed to 4.1, turned up my music and started rapping audibly along to the beat:

Hate it or love it the underdog's on top
And I'm gon shine, homie, until my heart stop

Go'head'n envy me
I'm rap's MVP
And I ain't going nowhere
So you can get to know me


The man smelled like a combination of moth balls and sweat. Being that my nose is as sensitive as that of a search and rescue canine, I held my breath, which was difficult to do while jogging and rapping at the same time. I glanced down at Fester's 1974 model Nikes and thought, "Okay, you have met your match! You can beat him in the foot race and win the million!" (For those readers who have no idea what I'm talking about, please see my prior post, My New Trainer).

I accelerated to 4.3, barely broke a sweat, and STILL beat out Uncle Fester in a matter of minutes. Now that's what I'm talkin' about!

Go'head'n envy me
I'm rap's MVP
And I ain't going nowhere
So you can get to know me

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